Trust not Gender matters most, for reporters of harassment.

Trust and not gender matters most, for reporters of harassment.

“If you’re a male manager and the employee reporting harassment is female, should you get a female colleague to take over?”

I get asked this question a lot. Often from proactive and well-meaning male managers, who want to support their female colleagues but are unsure whether they should be involved at all. “Wouldn’t the female employee prefer to speak to a female manager?”

I can see why. We (and I include myself in this), often think people feel more comfortable talking about sexual matters with someone of their own gender. But more often it boils down to trust.

One woman told me she chose to speak to her male manager about her experience with sexual harassment because “I trusted him and felt he would be more sympathetic.” Another common theme from speaking with employees who have been harassed is the feeling of disempowerment. Loss of control over interactions with colleagues, and loss of control over how their case is resolved after making a report.

My recommendation is to take the lead from your employee. You could say to them: “I can see this is difficult for you, take all the time you need. Would it help if we asked a female/male manager to join this conversation, so we can support you together? You can also speak to them or me alone if you prefer. How would you like to continue?”

Giving your employee the choice means you avoid giving the impression you do not want to support them, based on your assumptions about his/her comfort level. It is also a reciprocal signal of trust, that your employee knows best when it comes to what they need.

Susanna Nickalls is from WorkWell Associates, specialists on managing workplace misconduct and harassment.